When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
