Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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