She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
