a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
