I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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