clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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