so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
