You're my little dorito
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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