the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
