i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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