East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
