He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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