Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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