Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
