...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
