There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
