i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
