Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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