We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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