When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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