dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
