I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
