Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
