its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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