How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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