Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Boobs speak an international language.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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