Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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