It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
