aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
