I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
