please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
