Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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