I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
