so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
