I wish my penis had an off switch
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
