Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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