omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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