I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
