Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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