doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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