We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
