There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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