i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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