Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
