I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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