Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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