So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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