The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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