just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
