just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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