can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
