Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
