Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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