i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
