I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize