her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
