this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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