So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
