he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
