I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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