if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
